I Hit A Wall This Week

Procrastination station

When I put things off, the days seem to blend one into the other and I lose track of time

It feels as though I’ve hit some sort of creative wall this week. Not only creative. There are administrative tasks I need to follow up on as well, and I can’t seem to confront them, either.

For example, (and here I’m getting far more personal than I ever have—yes, even more so than the “depression” post the other day) I have a small student loan debt. Small, yet still I’ve been so incredibly broke I’ve not able to manage it for an embarrassingly long time. And being disabled now and on a fixed income, I’m looking to have it discharged.

Well, I initiated the paperwork for this a couple of months ago. Included in said paperwork is a document you’re supposed to have a doctor fill out, but if you’ve had a judge claim you fully disabled, as I have, and especially if your Social Security Administration review won’t take place again for 5 to 7 years, as in my case, doctoral confirmation is not required. This indicates that youre not expected to recover.

I included a copy of the page in my mailing that indicated this.

A few days ago I received in the mail a brand-new application from Nelnet, the company that handles these things, and to whom I had mailed the information. In their letter they say they received information from the SSA (they didn’t, it was from me) and that I need to complete the enclosed application, which is essentially starting from square one. Bravo. Great way to overwhelm a disabled person with paperwork. I scoffed, of course, and knew immediately that my response would be to just send them a new copy of what I had sent them already, since nothing that they were asking for was actually required by law to get my loans discharged.

I can’t find the page in question. I know I made a copy of it. I’m certain of this. I have a large folder of all the paperwork regarding the Social Security Administration and my dealings with them over the past few years, and now I’m going to have to go through every page, one by one, to see where the single page is. And if I don’t find it, I’m going to have to see if there’s any way I can get a new copy of it.

Oh, I already tried to get one online. Maybe I’ll just skip the searching and call them today. The telephone wait times are hours’-long, but if you indicate you want a call back the seem to be very good about doing so. Perhaps I’ll go straight to that option and skip the headache.

So…yeah.

Spring clean-n-mean

Out with the old and in with the new

I’ve still been doing a lot of organizing and purging of “the things” and organizing. It’s becoming like a subset of my housekeeping hobby, which I love. I’m the kind of person that loves opening a drawer or cabinet and having not only look all pretty and neat (I think everyone likes that) but also to have it make so much sense that putting things away is quick and easy every time. There’s no true organization system if it breaks the moment you try to clean up, is there?

Did you know there’s a large community on YouTube that consists of housecleaning and home organization videos? I find it very satisfying to watch these people (nearly all women) talk about the products they use, how they decorate and clean, and then to just watch them as they do it. So many times I find myself thinking, “Why are you putting all your appliances away into all those cabinets that are hard to reach when you use them every day?!” There’s this one YouTuber in particular that does this, and it drives me kind of batty. She loves to see her countertops empty, and I must agree her space is amazing to look at when she’s done, but she makes her life so much harder than it has to be.

Then again, she doesn’t have fibromyalgia, so maybe that’s not so much of an issue. It still irks me, though.

I know it better

Experience takes the prize

I think in an earlier post I mentioned that I’ve moved a lot. Maybe that was a comment on someone else’s post somewhere. If I did, I’ll link to it. In any case, I’ve moved roughly 50 times in my life. I should count them to see how close I am to that number. I’m probably rounding up a little. It might be closer to the mid-40’s. But that’s not the point. I’m rambling. I don’t have anyone to talk to, so you guys are it.

Anyway, when I come into a new space, the first thing I do is start to open cabinets and cupboards and things and imagine what I expect to find there. Then that’s where I put those things. Easy peasy. I let the space decide for me. Keeps it nice and simple as far as I’m concerned. I have seen some people who try to conform a place to their preconceived ideas of how they like to use a space, and it never works. I’ve done a lot of reorganization projects for people on TaskRabbit who have tried to do this, and I reeducate them when I design the new system for them, and explain what I’m doing and why. They’re always thrilled with the result, even if they’re hesitant or even suspicious of how well it will work when I start. I don’t take them tasks any more, being retired/disabled now. There’s always too much heavy lifting at some point, far reaching, and almost always heavy-duty cleaning that I can’t handle.

So what have I really been doing?

Regret for wasted time is more wasted time—Mason Cooley

I’ve been going through my YouTube videos and creating custom thumbnails for them using Canva. I can’t spend a lot of time doing this, which is why I’m just using an online tool, but I still find it a bit too much like my old design job, which caused me long-term and somehow traumatic injury. But I’m mostly having fun doing them. I think I’m mostly making them nice. Of course, the biggest challenge is the fact that in all the videos so far I didn’t plan to do custom thumbnails, so I didn’t pose for them at the end of recording. I have to scrub through the videos to try and find a moment that my face looks halfway normal and take a screen grab of that (and of course all of my videos are low res AF.)

But then I can tell myself that I’m at least doing something.

Okay, I’m not being entirely fair to myself. I did do my first Tarot Tuesday over the past week, and I’m planning to do one tomorrow. I originally was going to make tomorrow’s a live recording, but I’m not sure that makes sense…I think it was more along the lines of trying to see what the Live Recording tool in YouTube was all about more than anything else. I get curious and like to experiment a lot, even when there’s no real benefit to me or anyone. I’m far from being a Luddite!

What I really need to o is start writing music again. I’m feeling very lost as a musician these days, but I know there’s more of it within me, and all I need to do is start playing with my tools, such as they are, to get things spinning again. This is what I’ve really been putting off. In the meantime, you can check out my current release, “i am me/am i not?” over at iTunes.

My latest EP, The Story of Swallow, will be released very soon through CD Baby. I think. There are just a few technical details I need to get handled first. I might have to go a different route, but we shall see. They don’t seem to have any tech support at the moment.

Oh! And I have to sell my scooter. I love that thing, but it no longer runs and I cant find a mechanic locally who can work on it, which is really weird. And trying to repair it myself is beyond my abilities.

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