Hurting Is Hard When You’re Feeling Alone

I’ve yelled resentment over this for some time now, and I’ve decided to (mostly) be done with it, save for the fact that I’m still going through some heavy shit and I’m still alone. So consider this my transition piece: you, the reader, real or imagined, are my friend. There! I’m officially no longer alone! I’m feeling better already.

It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better: The Messy Business of Moving Out

Having used a walker myself when I was on chemo, I can safely say that everyone you see in public is using their walker totally wrong. Look next time. You’ll see them hunched over, unbalanced, their weight in front of them. It’s terribly unsafe. I was taught that you need to stand up straight, arms at your sides. If you can’t have them at your sides, you walker is at the wrong height for you. They’re adjustable and your weight should be centered so you don’t fall. This is why you see so many hip and should surgeries.

The Surreal Experience of Watching a Person Die

(and other things they don’t teach you in school) Well, so my Mom died. I guess you’ve figured that out if you saw my last video, which I forgot to post here when I recorded it (been a bit preoccupied and I’ve gotten my posting order all mixed up. Sue me). I really thought weContinue reading “The Surreal Experience of Watching a Person Die”

Confronting Death, Dying, Spiritual Cleansing and Update from Phoenix

I talk about spending time with my mother as she struggles with her last days. Her decline was much more rapid than any of us expected, and I found myself exhausted and wondering and…numb. I was glad to be there with her as I was denied the opportunity to be there with my father duringContinue reading “Confronting Death, Dying, Spiritual Cleansing and Update from Phoenix”

Living with C-PTSD is Like Living in Your Own Private Idaho, if by Idaho You Mean Ruining Good Things That Come Your Way

So I guess I ask the world to forgive me if my thinking is off sometimes. I’m entrained to not trust what I see. I’m entrained to not believe what I hear. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Why Do I Do This?!

Bringing to you another video, this time in 4k. It’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted anything anywhere, but I’ve hardly been idle. There have been many and sundry little things taking my attention away, and in this video I chat about what’s been occupying my time. Like writing new songs, for example. IContinue reading “Why Do I Do This?!”

Tarot Tuesday Week of July 21, 2020 | Codename: The Tower

This week’s reading takes us in a dark and unpleasant direction, but we can get through it if we stay strong and remember that we are a democracy. I’ve included the URLs to find your Senator and Representative in order to make call after call to direct them to assist YOU, since they are thereContinue reading “Tarot Tuesday Week of July 21, 2020 | Codename: The Tower”

Vloggy Vlog: Sour Jars, Updates, & A New Project!

Check out my most recent video where I discuss the latest doings of my life and an interesting new project I’m about to embark upon—I’m really excited about this one and plan to vlog about it so I hope you’ll join me on the journey. I expect to get started on that around the endContinue reading “Vloggy Vlog: Sour Jars, Updates, & A New Project!”

The Heartbreak of Silence

Our conversation hadn’t exactly ended on that awkward point, we had talked a bit more and ended on the more usual and banal, “talk to you soon”. I didn’t expect it to be the next day, or the next, as I knew I’d made things weird. This is typical for me, as I feel as though I see things as they are and I say so. Kind of in a Naked Emperor way, if you will.

Suspiciously Arreligious People

There’s a certain manner, a certain niceness, and yet a specific insistence that they do not believe in any sort of spirit/beyond/God principle/scripture, regardless of whether or not they experienced any sort of religious upbringing or had done any kind of spiritual searching themselves at any point of time in their lives. There are aContinue reading “Suspiciously Arreligious People”

My Strange Week of Pain

I’ve had this pattern ever since my cancer surgery back in the summer of 2017, where I get this terrible cramping that intensifies over the course of about 10 days, to the point where I’m really suffering and can’t stand the act of sitting up—until I can barely stay off the toilet for a dayContinue reading “My Strange Week of Pain”

Tarot Tuesday: Week of June 16, 2020

Join me as I lay out a Celtic Cross for us all to see what the upcoming week might hold. This is the first of what will be a regular feature on my YouTube Channel, so you’ll want to subscribe to keep abreast of my readings over there. Next week, I plan to do it live, and you won’t want to miss that one! I’ll also work in subscriber questions in the future.

Dear Diary, Feeling particularly empty today…maybe it’s just COVID blues?

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting tired of using hand sanitizer everywhere I go; having to wear a mask every time I go out; having to disinfect my shoes and purchases every time I come in…being constantly vigilant in order to not become ill or to (gasp!) become a carrier. I suppose it’sContinue reading “Dear Diary, Feeling particularly empty today…maybe it’s just COVID blues?”

Illusion, by Paula Volsky: Chapter Eight

We finally meet Whiss v’Aleur, the firebrand philosopher and editor of Neighbor Jumalle’s Complaint, which has caused such a stir among the lower classes in the streets of Shereen. We are also treated to a shocking display of magic from a surprising source—and we see the darker side of magical use. As tensions rise inContinue reading “Illusion, by Paula Volsky: Chapter Eight”

Tarot Tuesday: Week of April 28, 2020

Join me as I lay out a Celtic Cross for us all to see what the upcoming week might hold. This is the first of what will be a regular feature on my YouTube Channel, so you’ll want to subscribe to keep abreast of my readings over there. Next week, I plan to do it live, and you won’t want to miss that one! I’ll also work in subscriber questions in the future.

Reconfiguration: Original Song by Auryaun (new video version)

I’m excited to bring you a new video version of this, as I get closer to the release of my upcoming EP, “The Story of Swallow”. It’s taken me years to release this material, and I’ve felt stagnant as an artist all this time, so getting the album out is cathartic for me. “Reconfiguration” wasContinue reading “Reconfiguration: Original Song by Auryaun (new video version)”

Little House on The Prairie, Ch. 7: The Wolf-Pack

Pa makes a visit to other settlers in the area while the family enjoys their newly-built home. That evening, they have a frightening encounter with the local wildlife. This is the last chapter I have of this book, as the other files I’d recorded have been lost. With positive feedback, I’ll consider re-recording them, soContinue reading “Little House on The Prairie, Ch. 7: The Wolf-Pack”

Coronavirus: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

We are a society. We are one people. The homeless are a part of this society, and in fact, are a direct result of the way that our society currently functions. It’s our issue to solve, like it or not. Whether it’s through an income tax, a sales tax, a property tax (I like this one), or a combination of all of them, we need to house all of the people in our society. Housing is a basic human right, and leaving these people to suffer is a crime against humanity.

Little House on The Prairie, Ch. 6: Moving In

There are several chapters missing here, as the files became corrupted somehow. The family moves in to their newly-built log cabin on the prairie before there’s even a proper roof. Pa feels more strongly than ever that he’ll always want to live on this land. Pa decides the Big Woods have become too crowded, andContinue reading “Little House on The Prairie, Ch. 6: Moving In”

Little House on the Prairie-Ch. 2 Crossing the Creek

The family encounters a surprise when crossing the creek. This book was the basis for the popular television show by the same name. There are themes in the book that describe attitudes that would be considered backward and racist today. It is not the intention to either highlight or censor these, but to let themContinue reading “Little House on the Prairie-Ch. 2 Crossing the Creek”

Little House on the Prairie-Ch. 3 Camp on the High Prairie

The family has traveled far and long and Pa finally selects the perfect place to settle. They make camp one last time before building a house. There are themes in the book that describe attitudes that would be considered backward and racist today. It is not the intention to either highlight or censor these, butContinue reading “Little House on the Prairie-Ch. 3 Camp on the High Prairie”

Picture Postcards | Acoustic Version: an Original Song by Auryaun

One of my most recent songs, written in early summer of 2009 (songwriting isn’t a quick process for me) while I was recording “i am me/am i not?”. This track didn’t make it on the album and I’ve wanted to share it with you for some time. I plan to include it on my nextContinue reading “Picture Postcards | Acoustic Version: an Original Song by Auryaun”

Little House in the Big Wood: The Wonderful Machine

The harvest is a busy time, and Laura’s father arranges to have a machine help with the work. This is one of the later chapters, as the earlier sound clips have been lost. With positive feedback, I’ll consider re-recording them, so you can enjoy the whole book. Laura Ingalls Wilder on Wikipedia The Little HouseContinue reading “Little House in the Big Wood: The Wonderful Machine”

Confession Booth #5(?) | Losing count

Made this one via YouTube Capture. I got really comfortable recording these in my car (my “confession booth”), and I was using an app on my phone to record and upload these, but there wasn’t a great interface at the tie to give much of a description–I’m trying to add that info now, but it’sContinue reading “Confession Booth #5(?) | Losing count”

Little House in the Big Woods-Harvest

It’s harvest time, and there’s lots to do. But one child decides it’s more fun to play than work, and finds a heap of trouble for doing so. This is one of the later chapters, as the earlier sound clips have been lost. With positive feedback, I’ll consider re-recording them, so you can enjoy theContinue reading “Little House in the Big Woods-Harvest”

Hip-Hip, Hooray! What a frustrating day!

I wasn’t a happy camper when I had to head over to said pharmacy and was just in a lot of pain, so I grabbed what I needed and headed back home to get a cozy as I could. Luckily, it’s raining today (a strange thing for the SF Bay Area in April, though not unheard of).

The Tightness Within, New Version: an Original Song by Auryaun

Around late 2011, I felt that this song was a bit incomplete, so I wrote an intro verse. I’m no longer sure I like it, but here it is for you to ponder and/or enjoy. Or not. No obligations. I’m still incredibly frustrated with myself as a musician. It’s a passion for me, but IContinue reading “The Tightness Within, New Version: an Original Song by Auryaun”

Public-health physician urges more targeted and less of a “shotgun” approach to stemming the pandemic

I’m reblogging this to hopefully widen the audience as I was heartened and shocked by some of the views expressed by the physician interviewed. How we are handling this epidemic could be vastly more intelligent and effective. What we’re doing at the moment will create unintended economic consequences that will continue for months after we’veContinue reading “Public-health physician urges more targeted and less of a “shotgun” approach to stemming the pandemic”

Okay, if Day #4 was on 3/21, that makes today…um, Day #10!

I got home and went back into MailChimp, only to find that I’d automatically sent out the “thanks for subscribing” email out while I was shopping. YOW.

Day 3 (of 21) Shelter-In-Place: Still going fine, as you’d expect

It would go like this: you’re just about to finish up having completed evacuating your bowels, when another girl and her friend come in. (It’s never done alone, always with at least one other person, preferable only with one. Too many others and it seems like you’re just a random bully.)

This is why I might not vote in November

http://www.youtube.com/watch Kyle Kulinsky adroitly argues why the progressive movement might choose to sit at hone come this November. The DNC needs to shut up and listen this time. In Secular Talk, Kyle Kulinsky lays out the major points of the progressive movement’s disappointment with the current surging and support of Joe Biden. Here’s a hint:Continue reading “This is why I might not vote in November”

Welp, my area is now under a three-week isolation/quarantine

I’ve never gone through this before, but starting this morning at midnight and going until April 7, we are instructed to stay in our homes as much as possible. Grocery stores, banks, and other types of “essential services” will remain operational, but we are to limit our use as much as we can and stayContinue reading “Welp, my area is now under a three-week isolation/quarantine”

What do you do when you don’t feel like creating?

I created this blog with a lot of initial energy, but today I have none. There are things I know I need to do, such as record a new chapter for my podcast (I got laryngitis and had to skip a few days but I seem to be over it now). I need to fixContinue reading “What do you do when you don’t feel like creating?”

My first real post

So here’s my first proper blog post. Today I sat in my front yard for a while, listening to some ambient music while going on my pipe. Yes, it was cannabis. I’m a cancer-survivor. Cancer was a rough thing. It I guess you already figured that out. For me, I still have a lot ofContinue reading “My first real post”

Give a listen: Blood and Stars

I wrote this song a few years ago during a stressful time in my life, when it felt like I couldn’t manage all the demands life was putting on me: Motherhood, working, relationships. Especially relationships. I’ve been in a number of highly abusive relationships over the years, and it took me a long time toContinue reading “Give a listen: Blood and Stars”